Do we want to be ride or die chicks?

Pastor John Gray recently discussed how his wife went through a lot of pain to help him overcome what he described as a broken man. He said the pain he put her through for eight years was worse than the two babies she birthed.  He also praised her for being there for him and being a cover and not a lid on his ambitions and dreams.  All I could think was that, is that what is expected of us as women? Are we supposed to put up with everything a man does for the sake of a relationship? He said this with a panel of women who appeared to praise what he said. Now, I personally met he and his wife and I could see the love that they share.  He is such a larger-than-life personality that many people seek for guidance that could be challenging for any woman who chooses to walk by his side.  I am not stating that he doesn’t love his wife or that there’s anything wrong with how she has supported him if that is what she defines ‘through sickness and health’ as a part of her vows toward GOD. My issue is the whole notion in the universe that women are expected to care for men through their troubles and as one critic of Pastor Gray’s comments, who cares for the women who have to endure pain for the sake of a relationship? Where does that pain go? Maybe Pastor Gray was a lid instead of a cover for his wife because she had to endure pain to be with him.  It is a complicated issue that often leaves women scarred and unsure if how they feel is important when it comes to sticking it out.  It is a badge of honor, to say you are a ‘ride or die chick’, but what does that really mean? At what point, do you say I am getting off this ride?  Women ask for divorce more often than men though women are known to fight for marriages harder, which means at the point she wants a divorce, she is probably emotionally and spiritually depleted.  Don’t take this as male-bashing because I know there are men who are there for their women and help them work out their issues…just not as many as there are women who are expected to tow the line.  It is our duty, if you will, to take the pain and keep our relationships intact, Bill and Hillary, Jay Z and Beyonce, anyone?  I’m just asking at what cost to our identities, our souls, are we willing to risk to be that ‘stand by your man’ woman?

4 thoughts on “Do we want to be ride or die chicks?

  1. My love should not be measured by how much I tolerate from a man. I believe that men and women have been conditioned to think that the woman who tolerated disrespect, infidelity, neglect, etc is the one he should be with. I disagree. I believe in forgiveness in relationships but I also believe in self love. Whenever you find yourself loving someone more than you love yourself then you are no longer a ride or die. You are an intoxicated passenger who doesn’t know where they are being driven to. I will ride or die but I have uestions: do you have your license to drive? Do you have my warrants? Is this car stolen? Are you going to care enough to tell me to wear a seat belt? Will we share the aux duties? Can I trust you with the aux? Will there be snacks? Are you going to control how far I stick my head out the window? Are we stopping for food? 🤷🏽‍♀️


    1. I love it!! Your license points are so valid and you are so right (LOL)…we are always deemed to be strong and worthy if we withstand hardship from a man and he sticks with us…we do have to love ourselves more and only be a ride or die if he is deserving of our fierceness and loyalty…


  2. I think the fact that we have the term “ride or die chick” but don’t have the equivalent for men speaks volumes. I heard someone talk about the fact that too many men are looking for mothers instead of partners and spouses and I think that is true. I also don’t know how you can claim to love someone (this goes for both men and women) and hurt them that much for that long. That is selfishness. Leave them alone until you are ready for them. Therapy is a good thing, people! I also think too many of us think we have a timeline for relationships and marriage and that is what gets us in trouble in the first place. It is ok for both men and women to wait a bit and grow more and at least start taking steps towards healing before entering some of these relationships. We also need to divorce ourselves of some of the notions of gender roles and what makes us men and women because I will help solve a lot of these foolish ideas. Pastor Gray probably wouldn’t have stuck around if the roles were reversed so why does he expect this? If the conversation were even different and we were saying let us support each other to be our best, then I would be like yassss! let’s do that. but it is always only expected of women and not men. That is where i’m like thanks, but I will just enjoy my single life. I already have too much to deal with on my own!


    1. OMG! I never thought of the fact that there is no equivalent term for men because we as women are expected to be there for our men no matter what…that is how we show we love them more than other women…and totally unfair. And you’re right there are men who wouldn’t stay around or if there is a woman who doesn’t have a man, people may assume something is wrong with her instead of the fact that she has standards and just hasn’t met the person for her yet…self-healing is of the utmost importance and maybe you don’t realize it until you’re already in a relationship and that is the point you start to work on healing self and include your partner but not necessarily expecting your partner to take your s**t! Thanks for your thoughtful comment


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