Pastor John Gray recently discussed how his wife went through a lot of pain to help him overcome what he described as a broken man. He said the pain he put her through for eight years was worse than the two babies she birthed. He also praised her for being there for him and being a cover and not a lid on his ambitions and dreams. All I could think was that, is that what is expected of us as women? Are we supposed to put up with everything a man does for the sake of a relationship? He said this with a panel of women who appeared to praise what he said. Now, I personally met he and his wife and I could see the love that they share. He is such a larger-than-life personality that many people seek for guidance that could be challenging for any woman who chooses to walk by his side. I am not stating that he doesn’t love his wife or that there’s anything wrong with how she has supported him if that is what she defines ‘through sickness and health’ as a part of her vows toward GOD. My issue is the whole notion in the universe that women are expected to care for men through their troubles and as one critic of Pastor Gray’s comments, who cares for the women who have to endure pain for the sake of a relationship? Where does that pain go? Maybe Pastor Gray was a lid instead of a cover for his wife because she had to endure pain to be with him. It is a complicated issue that often leaves women scarred and unsure if how they feel is important when it comes to sticking it out. It is a badge of honor, to say you are a ‘ride or die chick’, but what does that really mean? At what point, do you say I am getting off this ride? Women ask for divorce more often than men though women are known to fight for marriages harder, which means at the point she wants a divorce, she is probably emotionally and spiritually depleted. Don’t take this as male-bashing because I know there are men who are there for their women and help them work out their issues…just not as many as there are women who are expected to tow the line. It is our duty, if you will, to take the pain and keep our relationships intact, Bill and Hillary, Jay Z and Beyonce, anyone? I’m just asking at what cost to our identities, our souls, are we willing to risk to be that ‘stand by your man’ woman?
Published by Tiye
I have been in love with love ever since I was a little girl, sneaking and reading my grandmother’s western love novels. I never knew I would eventually write my own stories of romance. My stories are filled with emotion, passion, and, yes, can be a little on the naughty side. I strive to create characters in which readers can relate and feel as if they are on the journey of love, too. When I am not obsessed with my latest novel, I love to travel, dance, and drink hot cocoa while reading magazines in a bookstore. I am thankful for my family and friends, who have always supported my dreams and aspirations. A native of the South, I'm currently enjoying life in Houston, Texas. View all posts by Tiye